biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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