i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
Who did Billy Mays play for?
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I have aggressive nipples.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
