I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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