my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
