it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
