life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
