Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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