Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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