Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
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He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
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How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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