I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
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