the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
A bitchslap is in order.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
