..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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