i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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