You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Randomize
