I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
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