I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
