Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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