just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
