OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize