My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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