OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
