i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
if only i could text you this smell
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
