Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
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I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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