so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
