I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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