one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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