In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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