This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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