Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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