my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
