I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Randomize
