Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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