At least make sure they are 18
Why
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
