haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Randomize
