hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
