I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
