If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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