omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
