Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
