honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
