Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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