i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
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