I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
