dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
