We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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