Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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