wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
