I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Randomize
