just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
