i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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