omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
