Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
