what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
