The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
