She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
