I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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