Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
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