they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
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