well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
