Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
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