absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
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