It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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