i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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