Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Randomize
