He had one of those small greek statue penises
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Randomize
