I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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