he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
