u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
