Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
