I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Ladies don't puke and tell
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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