I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
