I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
