; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
