the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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