When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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