wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
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