Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Randomize
