So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
