Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
